Ways To Annoy The Twilight Characters
by TwilightForever01
Summary: Ever wondered how to annoy your favourite twilight character? Find out how to annoy Bella, Edward, Carlisle, Jacob and the rest of the Cullen family. Includes ways to annoy the Volturi, Renesmee, Charlie,and more.
1. Bella Swan

_I based this on a YouTube video I saw a while back, please read and review.  
__I will do more 'Ways To Annoy' if I get enough reviews._

_**Unfortunately I do not own twilight :(.**_

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**WAYS TO ANNOY BELLA SWAN**

1. Go and tell Charlie exactly how much older than Bella Edward is.

2. Tell her Edward went back to the Volturi.

3. When Edward is watching Bella sleep climb in through the window and shout at the top of your lungs "OH HI EDWARD WATCHING BELLA SLEEP AGAIN? COOL LET'S JUST HOPE CHARLIE DOESN'T FIND YOU!"

4. Laugh when Charlie wakes up and finds him.

5. Tell Mike that even though Bella told you not to your going to tell him her secret; Bella actually loves him and not Edward.

6. Make sure Edward can read Mike's thoughts and finds out, then send him an wedding invite to 'Bella & Mike's Wedding'.

7. Remind her about how plain she looks next to Edward.

8. Tell her Edward changed his mind he actually likes blondes more and he ran away with Jane.

9. Tell Alice that Bella said she could throw out all her clothes and buy her lots of high heels and dresses.

10. Refuse to lend her any of your clothes when she finds out.

11. Tell her Jacob imprinted on you and doesn't want to see Bella again.

12. On her birthday remind her about how she is technically older than Edward.

13. Buy her a puppy and call it Jacob.

14. Tell her Edward didn't really burn Victoria and that she is coming back for her.

15. Tell her that Edward paid James and Victoria to kill her because she wis so clumsy.

16. Tell her that James is back and has her mum.

17. Tell Leah that Bella is only friends with Jacob so she is well protected until Edward turns her into a Vampire.

18. Watch when Leah finds Bella..

19. Tell Mike that Bella wants him to sing love songs to her.

20. Tell her she isn't beautiful like a Swan and she should be called Bella Duckling. (the ugly duckling)

21. Send Mike love letters signing them with 'All my love Bella3'.

22. Tell her that Victoria and Riley are both alive and would like her to be a bridesmaid at their wedding.

23. Tell her Edward is paying for the whole thing.

24. Send an email to Renee telling her that Bella wants to move back in with her.

25. Blindfold her and send her on the plane.

26. When she finally gets back to Forks, tell her that somebody called Aro came and asked about her.

27. Tell her that Jacob and Edward got killed..

28. Tell her Alice just had a vision about her dying.

29. Tell her the Volturi did it.

30. Tell her that everyone can read her mind except Edward and that he must be stupid.

**A/N : Please review and tell me who I should do next. Thanks for reading!  
~TwilightForever01.**


	2. Jacob Black

**_Unfortunately I do not own twilight as much as I wish I did it belongs to Stephenie Meyer._**

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**WAYS TO ANNOY JACOB BLACK **

1. For his birthday buy him a collar, lead and a dog food bowl.

2. Buy him a 'Team Edward' t-shirt.

3. Shred all his other clothes so he has to wear it.

4. Tell him that the Volturi came and killed Renesmee.

5. When he is in Italy phone him and tell him you were lying.

6. When he runs away put 'Lost Dog' posters up with his picture on it.

7. Ask him to get you something, then when he brings it to you say 'Good Boy' and laugh hysterically.

8. Tell him the Cullen's are moving to Scotland so Nessie can feel more at home.

9. Tell him dogs aren't aloud to fly so they are leaving him behind.

10. Try to teach him how to sit.

11. Sign a contract for him to join the Edward fan club.

12. Make him go to EVERY meeting.

13. Stick pictures up of Edward ALL over his walls.

14. Tell him real men sparkle.

15. Whenever he sits of the sofa in the Cullen's house, remind him Esme doesn't let dogs on the sofa.

16. Dye his hair blonde.

17. Tell him that he looks like Edward with blonde hair.

18. Remind him that Bella would rather date a 'dead' person than him.

19. Tell Leah that he wants to date her.

20. Tell Bella that he left Renesmee.

21. Tell him Renesmee joined the Volturi.

22. Talk about Edward every moment your with him; 'ISN'T HE HOT!' 'Edward's the best' ect.

23. Take him on a long road trip in Edward's Volvo, lock the doors and play 'Who Let The Dogs Out?' really loud for the entire trip.

24. Tell him Rosalie is prettier than Renesmee.

25. Tell him he isn't aloud to see Nessie anymore.

26. Or Bella.

27. Ask him if he is dazzled by Edward.

28. Tell him that you are allergic to dogs.

29. Cough and choke every time you see him after that.

30. Shout at him and scream 'THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT DOG!' when even Carlisle starts to get worried about your health.

**A/N : Please review, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and next chapter will be up soon.**


	3. Edward Cullen

_**Unfortunately I still don't own twilight :(. **_

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**WAYS TO ANNOY EDWARD CULLEN**

1. Tell him that Bella is marrying Jacob, ask him to be best man.

2. Call him 'Eddie'.

3. Ask him to help you do something and if he says no tell him that Jacob will help you instead then.

4. Replace all his clothes with 'Team Jacob' merchandise.

5. Make Bella wear a 'Team Jacob' t-shirt.

6. Make him read New Moon.

7. Emphasise Bella's pain when you read about when he left her.

8. Buy him fake tan.

9. Tell him he has dark circles under his eyes. Tell him to sleep more.

10. When he tells you he can't offer to lend him your concealer.

11. Make a list of reasons Jacob should be with Bella instead of him. Include; He's a real man he doesn't sparkle and that he's hotter than Edward.

12. Cover yourself with glitter and run around with a girly voice screaming 'I'M EDWARD AND I LOVE BELLA. OOO, LOOK I CAN SPARKLE!'

13. Remind him that most of his dates have ended in Bella almost getting killed.

14. Tell the Volturi he created an imortal child.

15. Tell him he has the worst vampire gift ever, tell him Jane's is the best.

16. Ask Jane to be bridesmaid at his wedding.

17. Buy her a dress nicer than Bella's.

18. Kill Bella.

19. Kill Renesmee.

20. Tell him Nessie joined the Volturi.

21. Tell him Bella wanted to date James.

22. Ask him whether he is 'That guy from Harry Potter'

23. Invite the entire wolf pack to his wedding.

24. Tell him that you can read Bella's mind and so can everyone else, is he stupid or something?

25. Constantly tell him that Jacob imprinted on Renesmee when she was still a baby.

26. DRIVE SLOWLY.

27. Smash his Volvo beyond repair.

28. Tell Charlie about how he watches Bella sleep.

29. Show him proof.

30. Laugh when Bella falls over.

**A/N : Ways to Annoy Renesmee is the next chapter :). Thanks for reading!**


	4. Renesmee 'Nessie' Cullen

**_I do not own twilight. _**

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**WAYS TO ANNOY RENESMEE CULLEN**

1. Remind her Jacob loved her mum before he loved her.

2. Tell her the Volturi came to kill her.

3. Tell Jacob that she wants 'his paw in marriage'.

4. Take pictures of her and tell her that its proof the Loch Ness Monster is real.

5. Tell her Jacob ran away with Jane.

6. Tell her she is only a half breed and that her dad is a better vampire.

7. Buy her a toy wolf and tell her Jacob ran away then say 'It doesn't matter you have your new dog to look after you now'.

8. Buy her a dog.

9. Call it Jacob.

10. Tell her it is better than the real Jake.

11. Ask her what she will call her puppies.

12. Lock her in a room with Aro.

13. Lock Jacob in a room with Aro.

14. Buy her some fish and when she asks why tell her 'I thought you'd be happy :( I brought you some new friends'.

15. Tell her Jacob wants to marry Leah instead.

**A/N : Rosalie Next :)! Review please.**


	5. Rosalie 'Hale' Cullen

_**I STILL don't own** **twilight.**_

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**WAYS TO ANNOY ROSALIE HALE**

1. Tell her Bella is prettier than her.

2. Hang out with Emmett.

3. Tell her she needs to lose weight.

4. Make Emmett agree with you.

5. Push her over the treaty line.

6. Dye her hair brown.

7. Dress her like Bella.

8. Call her Rosie.

9. Kill Emmett.

9. Call her Barbie.

10. Tell Jacob to put a collar on her tell her she's a 'Golden Retriever'.

11. Tell her blonde jokes.

12. Call her Rosaline.

13. Ask her why she didn't date Jasper.

14. Tell her Jasper is better than Emmett because he has a gift.

15. Call her the Ice-Queen.

**A/N : Read & Review :) Thanks for reading.**


	6. Emmett Cullen

**_I do not own twilight, although I wish I did.._**

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**WAYS TO ANNOY EMMETT CULLEN**

1. Dye his hair and all his clothes pink.

2. When he goes crazy, act innocent and say 'It isn't Wednesday yet Em.' _(Remember this from Mean Girls anyone?)_

3. Lock him in a suitcase and send him on a plane to the sunniest place on the other side of the world.

4. Tell Rosalie he did it because he saw her face.

5. Beat him in a wrestling match (Especially if your a girl.)

6. Buy him a McDonald's. When he doesn't eat it start crying and say your going to tell Rose.

7. Get Rosalie to back you up.

8. Tell Alice he said she could take him shopping.

9. Destroy his Jeep.

10. Buy him a bicycle to replace it.

11. Make him ride his new 'present' everywhere he goes.

12. Shave his head.


	7. Alice Cullen

_**I still don't own twilight.**_

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**WAYS TO ANNOY ALICE CULLEN**

1. DESTROY HER PORSCHE!

2. Buy her a crystal ball at Christmas.

3. Call her a midget gem.

4. Freeze all her credit cards. _(Confessions Of A Shopaholic) _

5. Drive really S-L-L-L-O-O-O-O-W

6. Change your mind all the time.

7. Make her use a booster seat.

8. Steal her shoes and clothes.

9. Kidnap Jasper.

10. Then kill Jasper.

11. Help Edward and Bella plan their Vegas wedding.

12. Wreck Bella and Edward's wedding.

13. Insult her dress sense.

14. Your School is doing the play 'Snow White and the seven dwarves' sign Alice up to be one of the dwarves, dress her in an elf costume.

15. When she comes to school ask her if she is lost. _She doesn't look old enough to be here.._

16. Remind her about Jasper and Maria.

17. Make her bedroom smell like wet dog.

18. Use a baby voice and call her adorable.

19. Buy her a Magic 8 ball.

20. Send her emails asking her to become a physic.

**A/N : Jasper** Next!


	8. Jasper 'Hale' Cullen

_**I still don't own twilight :( but maybe Alice will be my shopping partner ;D.**_

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**WAYS TO ANNOY JASPER 'HALE' CULLEN**

1. Paper cut yourself in front of him, suck your bleeding finger.

2. Ask him 'Do YOU want some?'

3. Call him Jasper Cullen

4. Ask him about Casper his cousin. _(The friendly ghost)_

5. Adopt a new born.

6. Make him stand with people of different moods [EXTREMELY happy, really depressed, very sad, ect.]

7. Tell him he should be a therapist.

8. Call him the living chill pill.

9. Ask him why he won't take Alice's last name.

10. Ask him why Alice didn't take his last name.

11. Salute him and scream 'YES, SIR' everytime he speaks to you.

12. Tell Edward he bit Bella.

13. Tell him Alice was imprinted on,and doesn't need him anymore.

14. Laugh whenever he speaks in a high pitched voice.

15. Tell him that Maria is getting married and she would love for him to be page boy and Alice a bridesmaid.


	9. Carlisle Cullen

**_I don't own twilight._**

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**WAYS TO ANNOY CARLISLE CULLEN**

1. Call him Doctor even when he isn't at the hospital.

2. Give Alice his wallet to go shopping.

3. Dress him up as Count Dracula on halloween.

4. Then tell him he looks like a member of the Volturi again.

5. Ask him if he ever has a 'Blonde Moment'

6. Follow him into work then start screaming 'DOCTOR! THE VENOM BURNS!'

7. Get Edward into trouble at school.

8. Tell him Esme cheated on him, with Aro.

9. Mess up his hair.

10. Imitate his accent.

11. Hide his shirts and ties.

12. Kill Esme.

13. Kidnap Esme.

14. Tell him Victoria got Bella.

15. Invite Aro and Jane over for an afternoon snack...

16. Hug him in public.

17. Kiss him in public.

18. Fake injuries.

19. Get the flu then scream 'CHANGE ME CARLISLE! BEFORE ITS TOO LATE'

20. Invite fan girls over for lunch.


	10. Esme Cullen

**_Still don't own twilight. _**

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**WAYS TO ANNOY ESME CULLEN**

1. Tell her that her cooking sucks, Bella told you.

2. Tell her about all the pretty nurses who work at the hospital.

3. Break her dining table.

4. Tell her Emmett and Bella had another arm wrestle.

5. Tell her she's a bad mother.

6. Mispronounce her name.

7. Start a food fight.

8. When they next go hunting throw a HUGE house party, trash EVERYTHING. Break all of her favourite things.

9. Tell her Emmett did it.

10. Tell her Edward left the Cullen's to join the Volturi.

11. Convince her to change Bella, laugh when Edward goes crazy.

12. Follow her around playing creepy Vampire music all day.


	11. Anti-Twilighter

_**All of the twilight saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer...not me.**_

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**WAYS TO ANNOY AN ANTI TWILIGHTER**

1. Buy them ALL the twilight merchandise.

2. Buy the twilight soundtrack using their money. Wreck/Delete all their other songs.

3. Take them to see a twilight marathon.

4. Complain about going 'human speed'.

5. Faint whenever you see Jacob or Edward during the film.

6. Ask them for a werewolf for your birthday.

7. When they tell you werewolves aren't real, cry.

8. Jump off a cliff. When they ask why say it was to see Edward.

9. Tell them the Volturi called you last night, they know to much..they are coming for her.

10. Call them at 3 AM telling them you had a nightmare about the Volturi.

11. Faint whenever you see blood.

12. Whenever you see a Volvo run and see if Edward is inside.

13. Get red contacts and run around screaming 'Edward changed me!'.

14. Tell them Alice has seen their death.

15. Tell them they are invited to Bella and Edward's wedding.

16. Change your name to Bella Swan,Rosalie Hale, Alice Cullen, Esme, Renesmee, ect.

17. Make faces whilst they are eating.

18. When they ask you why say 'My favourite is deer..'

19. Dress like the Volturi, tell them it was to protect the Cullen's...

20. Kidnap them and take them to Forks. Run around screaming 'EDWARD' and 'JACOB'.

21. Cry when they tell you that they do not exist.

22. Call them a dog. Say you can not stand wet dog smell.

23. Whenever you hear thunder tell your friend; 'The Cullen's must be playing baseball..'

24. Whenever you get a paper cut tell them you are scared Jasper will smell the blood.

25. Talk to them about twilight ALL day.


	12. The Volturi

**_I do not own twilight..._**

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**WAYS TO ANNOY THE VOLTURI**

1. Wear a dress and a blonde wig, tell everyone your doing an impression of Jane.

2. Tell Aro his gift is rubbish. Edward's is better.

3. Remind Jane that she can not use her gift on Bella's shield.

4. Wear a t-shirt saying; Real men don't sparkle!

5. Throw glitter on yourself and pretend to be a vampire.

6. Call Jane barbie.

7. Call Aro Dracula.

8. Make flash cards of every member of the Volturi with their powers.

9. Act dumb.

10. Ask Caius how to pronounce his name.

11. Still pronounce it wrong.

12. Tell Jane Renesmee is more of a vampire than her.

13. Demand that Demitri play hide and seek with you.

14. Blindfold him.

15. Convince them to become 'vegetarian'.

16. Don't invite them to Bella and Edward's wedding.

17. Pester them to change you.

18. Whenever they aren't looking throw garlic bread at them and try to stake them through the heart.

19. Ask Jane if she wants to borrow your concealer.

20. When she borrows your concealer ask for it back because 'it is too pale' for her.


	13. Charlie Swan

**_Still don't own twilight. _**

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**WAYS TO ANNOY CHARLIE SWAN**

1. Tell him Bella is pregnant.

2. Tell him that Renesmee is actually Edward and Bella's daughter.

3. Tell him Edward can read his mind.

4. Buy Bella a motorcycle.

5. Buy Him a motorcycle.

6. Tell him Jacob brought them both.

7. Tell him the Police Station fired him and that his replacement is Edward because he can run faster.

8. Tell him Bella and Edward ran away to get married in Vegas.

9. Don't invite him to their real wedding.

10. Force him to read New Moon (Paying attention to the parts where Edward leaves Bella...)


	14. Mike Newton

**_I do not own twilight..._**

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**WAYS TO ANNOY MIKE NEWTON**

1. Compare him to Edward.

2. Invite him to Edward and Bella's wedding, ask him to be the Page Boy.

3. If he accepts have Alice dress him in the frilliest palest blue outfit she can find.

4. Remind him its a wonder even Jessica gave him a second look with the Cullen's around..

5. Tell the Volturi he knows Vampire secrets.

6. Show him all the hate mail people send him.

7. **Two words;** Edward Cullen

8. Tell him that Bella Cullen sounds a lot better than Bella Newton.

9. Tell him you think he looks like a golden retriever.

10. Remind him Bella didn't choose him every second your with him.


	15. James AKA Ways To Get Yourself Killed

_**I don't own twilight.**_

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**WAYS TO ANNOY JAMES**

1. Sign him up for anger management classes _(Well he does need them...)_

2. Read his death to him in twilight.

3. Laugh when he gets burned.

4. Make him wear a pink tutu.

5. Take a video of him dancing in it and put it on YouTube.

6. Show him how many views it gets.

7. Lock him in a room with all of the boys who love Bella, 'accidentally' point out that he wanted to kill her.

8. Chase him around with pieces of garlic.

9. After reading him his own death force him to read Victoria's and her battle with the newborn army.

10. Send him the love letters 'Victoria' sent to Edward after he died.


	16. Who Should I Do Next?

**A/N**

**I am unsure of who to do next, leave a review telling me who I should do and I will try to do them.**

**~TwilightForever01**


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